For humans, the act of eating has always been characterized by ritual, no matter how spontaneous or impulsive the effort. And in a wide sweeping attempt to chronicle the development of civilized dining, it can be argued convincingly that the rules of food consumption eventually lead to the conduct of human behavior. Table manners are social agreements emphasizing that no one will intrude upon others' sensitivities. To share food is the ultimate in social behavior because it implies the forging of a family relationship although the event may last only for a short time. In some cultures, it is correct to be silent while eating . . . in others, one must continue to talk (we have met not merely to eat, but also to commune with fellow human beings).
From this perspective, it is overwhelmingly evident that manners in deportment, behavior and speech will follow and that conforming to such rules, decreed or implied, creates harmony, orderliness and class distinctions and, in excess, snobbery. Are we witnessing a deterioration of these structures that is inevitably linked with growing chaos in our society?
Modern manners increasingly force us to be casual . . . Politeness, whether formal or informal, has always involved manipulating social distance. The kind of politeness that we call formality deliberately keeps people apart. Its purpose is partly to prevent prying and to slow down the process of familiarization in order to give each party time to appraise the other. Modern society has more than enough devices for keeping people apart. We sleep in separate rooms, live and eat in separate quarters, move around within the closed doors of metal vehicles . . . When we meet, therefore, with the express purpose of socializing, we cannot afford to be distant.
Manners are not always restrictive. They also pressure people into behaving in predictable fashion: when we know what to do and expect, we can interact on occasions, relying upon the rules of politeness to deal with the apprehensions of meeting others, making decisions, conferring, parting and commemorating. Rituals are there, to make difficult passage easier.
"Manners" govern relationships with other people primarily in situations of close personal contact; they do not constitute virtue, but they do set out to imitate virtue's outward appearance. They are an admission of an ideal.
Upwardly Mannered
Your Starting Place for Social, Political and Economic Advancement
Friday, February 22, 2008
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Cell Phones, Bluetooth and Texting
Dos and Don'ts
1. Never take a personal mobile call during a business meeting. This includes interviews and meetings with co-workers or subordinates.
2. Maintain at least a 10-foot zone from anyone while talking.
3. Never talk in elevators, libraries, museums, restaurants, cemeteries, theaters, dentist or doctor waiting rooms, places of worship, auditoriums or other enclosed public spaces, such as hospital emergency rooms or buses. And don't have any emotional conversations in public — ever.
4. Don't use loud and annoying ring tones that destroy concentration and eardrums. Grow up!
5. Never "multi-task" by making calls while shopping, banking, waiting in line or conducting other personal business.
6. Keep all cellular congress brief and to the point.
7. Use an earpiece in high-traffic or noisy locations. That lets you hear the amplification, or how loud you sound at the other end, so you can modulate your voice.
8. Tell callers when you're talking on a mobile, so they can anticipate distractions or disconnections.
9. Demand "quiet zones" and "phone-free areas" at work and in public venues, like the quiet cars on the Amtrak Metroliner.
10. Inform everyone in your mobile address book that you've just adopted the new rules for mobile manners. Ask them to do likewise. Please.
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Cell phone conversations of questionable importance have become part of the soundtrack of our lives.
Modern-day etiquette is being highlighted and mobile manners are being encouraged with special phone zones created by businesses.
With 147 million wireless phone users in the U.S., restaurants have become particularly problematic as offending users gab away, oblivious of other patrons.
"When people go to restaurants they’ll take a cell phone call while dining,“ said Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach and cell phone etiquette spokesperson for Sprint, adding that personal conversations overheard in public is the most frequent cell phone related complaint she hears.
"If you’re at a restaurant, let your companions know ahead of time if you are expecting a call, then step away from the table, take the call and make it brief," she said. "Find a place that’s not within hearing range of other people – and that does not include a bathroom.”
Answering that call, some restaurants have installed cell phone booths to preserve the peace and quiet.
The Brooklyn Café in Atlanta recently installed an antique red phone booth from the streets of London just outside to give diners a private place to converse. While mobile phones aren’t banned at the café, owner Greg Pyne said he wanted to guide patrons toward politeness.
“It’s my job to provide my customers with a napkin, not to teach them how to use a napkin,” he said. “I’m giving [people] an opportunity to use their manners if they are so inclined, and a lot of people have been so inclined.”
Another booth has popped up at the Main Street Bistro in Sarasota, Fla., where live entertainment can make cell phone calls problematic.
“You can go into it for quiet, and not sound like you are talking in a loud bar," bistro staffer Heather Mushrush said of the old French phone booth now used by cell phone owners.
Since its installment in January, Mushrush said the booth has been used daily and is particularly popular when bands play. “It’s right in the bar so you can just walk a few steps and be in the booth instead of going outside.”
If there's a rude wireless user in proximity, the best way to deal with the offending person is to get someone of authority involved, Whitmore said. Speaking up against cellular noise sparked execs to action in one case.
In 2000, transportation giant Amtrak added “Quiet Cars” to its fleet after 20 daily commuters between Philadelphia and Washington asked for a quiet oasis, said Amtrak spokesperson Dan Stessle.
“From that request the Quiet Cars spread. Now almost every train in the northeast corridor has one Quiet Car in which cellular and other electronic sounds are prohibited," he said.
Even elsewhere on the train, Stessle said passengers are becoming more cell phone sensitive. “Many people are now using the vestibules or the café car if they have a long conversation to make.”
Whitmore said advisories to silence cellulars are also becoming commonplace.
"The first thing most speakers say when welcoming a crowd is 'Please turn your cell phones and pagers off.' When you open up a program at a play there is a request to turn them off and at the movie theater there are signs that say 'Silence is golden,'" she said. "This is just something we didn’t see five years ago.”
Rude behavior on mobiles can also be curbed by using options such as text messaging, distinctive rings to ID an urgent call and silent mode, Whitmore said. However, “most people aren't even aware that they have them.”
Pyne agreed that people are enamored with their cellular gadgets, but he senses a change in some customers' behavior.
"Every time there's new technology you need to have list of etiquette. Manners are the fine-tuning that comes last. Right now we're still in the, 'Oh cool, I can take the call' phase," he said. "But those who are cognizant of that here can use the booth."
1. Never take a personal mobile call during a business meeting. This includes interviews and meetings with co-workers or subordinates.
2. Maintain at least a 10-foot zone from anyone while talking.
3. Never talk in elevators, libraries, museums, restaurants, cemeteries, theaters, dentist or doctor waiting rooms, places of worship, auditoriums or other enclosed public spaces, such as hospital emergency rooms or buses. And don't have any emotional conversations in public — ever.
4. Don't use loud and annoying ring tones that destroy concentration and eardrums. Grow up!
5. Never "multi-task" by making calls while shopping, banking, waiting in line or conducting other personal business.
6. Keep all cellular congress brief and to the point.
7. Use an earpiece in high-traffic or noisy locations. That lets you hear the amplification, or how loud you sound at the other end, so you can modulate your voice.
8. Tell callers when you're talking on a mobile, so they can anticipate distractions or disconnections.
9. Demand "quiet zones" and "phone-free areas" at work and in public venues, like the quiet cars on the Amtrak Metroliner.
10. Inform everyone in your mobile address book that you've just adopted the new rules for mobile manners. Ask them to do likewise. Please.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cell phone conversations of questionable importance have become part of the soundtrack of our lives.
Modern-day etiquette is being highlighted and mobile manners are being encouraged with special phone zones created by businesses.
With 147 million wireless phone users in the U.S., restaurants have become particularly problematic as offending users gab away, oblivious of other patrons.
"When people go to restaurants they’ll take a cell phone call while dining,“ said Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach and cell phone etiquette spokesperson for Sprint, adding that personal conversations overheard in public is the most frequent cell phone related complaint she hears.
"If you’re at a restaurant, let your companions know ahead of time if you are expecting a call, then step away from the table, take the call and make it brief," she said. "Find a place that’s not within hearing range of other people – and that does not include a bathroom.”
Answering that call, some restaurants have installed cell phone booths to preserve the peace and quiet.
The Brooklyn Café in Atlanta recently installed an antique red phone booth from the streets of London just outside to give diners a private place to converse. While mobile phones aren’t banned at the café, owner Greg Pyne said he wanted to guide patrons toward politeness.
“It’s my job to provide my customers with a napkin, not to teach them how to use a napkin,” he said. “I’m giving [people] an opportunity to use their manners if they are so inclined, and a lot of people have been so inclined.”
Another booth has popped up at the Main Street Bistro in Sarasota, Fla., where live entertainment can make cell phone calls problematic.
“You can go into it for quiet, and not sound like you are talking in a loud bar," bistro staffer Heather Mushrush said of the old French phone booth now used by cell phone owners.
Since its installment in January, Mushrush said the booth has been used daily and is particularly popular when bands play. “It’s right in the bar so you can just walk a few steps and be in the booth instead of going outside.”
If there's a rude wireless user in proximity, the best way to deal with the offending person is to get someone of authority involved, Whitmore said. Speaking up against cellular noise sparked execs to action in one case.
In 2000, transportation giant Amtrak added “Quiet Cars” to its fleet after 20 daily commuters between Philadelphia and Washington asked for a quiet oasis, said Amtrak spokesperson Dan Stessle.
“From that request the Quiet Cars spread. Now almost every train in the northeast corridor has one Quiet Car in which cellular and other electronic sounds are prohibited," he said.
Even elsewhere on the train, Stessle said passengers are becoming more cell phone sensitive. “Many people are now using the vestibules or the café car if they have a long conversation to make.”
Whitmore said advisories to silence cellulars are also becoming commonplace.
"The first thing most speakers say when welcoming a crowd is 'Please turn your cell phones and pagers off.' When you open up a program at a play there is a request to turn them off and at the movie theater there are signs that say 'Silence is golden,'" she said. "This is just something we didn’t see five years ago.”
Rude behavior on mobiles can also be curbed by using options such as text messaging, distinctive rings to ID an urgent call and silent mode, Whitmore said. However, “most people aren't even aware that they have them.”
Pyne agreed that people are enamored with their cellular gadgets, but he senses a change in some customers' behavior.
"Every time there's new technology you need to have list of etiquette. Manners are the fine-tuning that comes last. Right now we're still in the, 'Oh cool, I can take the call' phase," he said. "But those who are cognizant of that here can use the booth."
Friday, February 8, 2008
With Manners Perception is Reality
The following article describes the fall from grace of a Harvard University President and was published by a Boston Magazine.
“When visitors came to his office, Summers propped his feet up on a table, sometimes with his shoes off. He often appeared in public with a toothpick dangling from his mouth. He repeatedly mangled the names of people he was greeting or introducing. If someone said something he deemed uninteresting or foolish, he would conspicuously roll his eyes. Other times Summers would stare into space when being spoken to, as if no one else were in the room. “Larry’s always looking away,” says one junior professor. “At first you think he’s scanning the room for someone more important, but no, he’s just looking away.” And then there was the recurring problem of his eating and talking at the same time, during which Summers sometimes sprayed saliva on his audience….
The Harvard Crimson… repeatedly noted how Summers’s lack of social graces impeded his interaction with students and faculty. The new president’s manners, or lack thereof, were so widely discussed that student reporters were really just transcribing an omnipresent campus conversation.
Summers also had a bizarre habit of falling asleep in public. Eyewitnesses caught him dozing at a talk by Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf, a lecture by United Nations head Kofi Annan, a speech by Mikhail Gorbachev in Sanders Theatre, a service at Harvard Hillel, and a festival celebrating cultural diversity.
When he was more engaged by speakers, Summers often acted derisively toward them. At one fall 2001 meeting with the law-school faculty, a female professor asked a question that Summers didn’t think much of. “That’s a stupid question,” he responded. Later that autumn, he brusquely terminated an interview with a female journalist from the Financial Times after a disagreement over whether his remarks were on or off the record. Just as they had at Treasury, his aides insisted that Summers’s style was typical of the intellectual free-for-all that characterized economics seminars and that people shouldn’t take it personally. Inevitably, they did.
So great was the bewilderment over Summers’s lack of social skills that some in the Harvard community wondered if there might be a clinical reason for his behavior: a neurobiological disorder called Asperger’s syndrome”.
“When visitors came to his office, Summers propped his feet up on a table, sometimes with his shoes off. He often appeared in public with a toothpick dangling from his mouth. He repeatedly mangled the names of people he was greeting or introducing. If someone said something he deemed uninteresting or foolish, he would conspicuously roll his eyes. Other times Summers would stare into space when being spoken to, as if no one else were in the room. “Larry’s always looking away,” says one junior professor. “At first you think he’s scanning the room for someone more important, but no, he’s just looking away.” And then there was the recurring problem of his eating and talking at the same time, during which Summers sometimes sprayed saliva on his audience….
The Harvard Crimson… repeatedly noted how Summers’s lack of social graces impeded his interaction with students and faculty. The new president’s manners, or lack thereof, were so widely discussed that student reporters were really just transcribing an omnipresent campus conversation.
Summers also had a bizarre habit of falling asleep in public. Eyewitnesses caught him dozing at a talk by Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf, a lecture by United Nations head Kofi Annan, a speech by Mikhail Gorbachev in Sanders Theatre, a service at Harvard Hillel, and a festival celebrating cultural diversity.
When he was more engaged by speakers, Summers often acted derisively toward them. At one fall 2001 meeting with the law-school faculty, a female professor asked a question that Summers didn’t think much of. “That’s a stupid question,” he responded. Later that autumn, he brusquely terminated an interview with a female journalist from the Financial Times after a disagreement over whether his remarks were on or off the record. Just as they had at Treasury, his aides insisted that Summers’s style was typical of the intellectual free-for-all that characterized economics seminars and that people shouldn’t take it personally. Inevitably, they did.
So great was the bewilderment over Summers’s lack of social skills that some in the Harvard community wondered if there might be a clinical reason for his behavior: a neurobiological disorder called Asperger’s syndrome”.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Perfect Polish That Is Unpretentious
Just as no chain is stronger than its weakest link, no manners can be expected to stand a strain beyond their daily test at home, work and play. Etiquette, remember, is merely a collection of forms by which all personal contacts in life are made smooth. The necessity for a "rough" man to become polished so that he may meet men of cultivation on an equal footing is the hallmark of conscious and deliberate behavior.
By definition: to be pretentious is to act expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature. In short; to reach above and beyond ones grasp.
For those that put on airs and stretch in that manner suffer ultimately by positioning themselves to fall. From their extended desires and ambiguous beliefs instability occurs and is recognized by those in the know. So how does ambition, desire and longing become acceptable means of elevating oneself to a higher status?
It is when honing, skill and inspiration become your guiding influence, then and only then can an individual navigate freely through the ranks. It is said that “Polished Brass will pass through the hands of more men than Rough Gold”. This adage echoes the sentiment that acts of gratitude (the inherent mark in each new beginning) and civilized demeanor provide for the smooth passage way of ascension and acceptance.
By definition: to be pretentious is to act expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature. In short; to reach above and beyond ones grasp.
For those that put on airs and stretch in that manner suffer ultimately by positioning themselves to fall. From their extended desires and ambiguous beliefs instability occurs and is recognized by those in the know. So how does ambition, desire and longing become acceptable means of elevating oneself to a higher status?
It is when honing, skill and inspiration become your guiding influence, then and only then can an individual navigate freely through the ranks. It is said that “Polished Brass will pass through the hands of more men than Rough Gold”. This adage echoes the sentiment that acts of gratitude (the inherent mark in each new beginning) and civilized demeanor provide for the smooth passage way of ascension and acceptance.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Promotions Through Presence and Poise
The most advertised commodity is not always intrinsically the best, but is sometimes merely the product of a company with plenty of money to spend on advertising.
In the same way, money brings certain people before the public—sometimes they are persons of "quality," quite as often the so-called "society leaders" featured in the public press do not belong to good society at all, in spite of their many published photographs and the energies of their press-agents. Or possibly they do belong to "smart" society; but if too much advertised, instead of being the "queens" they seem, they might more accurately be classified as the court jesters of to-day.
To entertain the mistaken notion that politeness implies all give and little or no return, it is well to recall Coleridge's definition of a gentleman: "We feel the gentlemanly character present with us and with the ease of a habit, a person shows respect to others in such a way as at the same time implies, in his own feelings, an assured anticipation of reciprocal respect from them to himself". In short, the gentlemanly character arises out of the feeling of equality acting as a habit, yet flexible to the varieties of rank, and modified without being disturbed or superseded by them.
Thus Society is not a fellowship of the wealthy, nor does it seek to exclude those who are not of exalted birth; but it is an association of gentle-folk, of which good form in speech, charm of manner, knowledge of the social amenities, and instinctive consideration for the feelings of others, are the credentials by which society the world over recognizes its chosen members.
In the same way, money brings certain people before the public—sometimes they are persons of "quality," quite as often the so-called "society leaders" featured in the public press do not belong to good society at all, in spite of their many published photographs and the energies of their press-agents. Or possibly they do belong to "smart" society; but if too much advertised, instead of being the "queens" they seem, they might more accurately be classified as the court jesters of to-day.
To entertain the mistaken notion that politeness implies all give and little or no return, it is well to recall Coleridge's definition of a gentleman: "We feel the gentlemanly character present with us and with the ease of a habit, a person shows respect to others in such a way as at the same time implies, in his own feelings, an assured anticipation of reciprocal respect from them to himself". In short, the gentlemanly character arises out of the feeling of equality acting as a habit, yet flexible to the varieties of rank, and modified without being disturbed or superseded by them.
Thus Society is not a fellowship of the wealthy, nor does it seek to exclude those who are not of exalted birth; but it is an association of gentle-folk, of which good form in speech, charm of manner, knowledge of the social amenities, and instinctive consideration for the feelings of others, are the credentials by which society the world over recognizes its chosen members.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Business Etiquette
Businesses want loyal customers. Even though a customer is satisfied with the product, how he or she is treated will dictate if repeat business is done.
Customers are likely to permit the development of a positive customer relationship' and will do repeat business if they feel comfortable and valued by you and your organization.
A study by Harvard University, Carnegie Foundation and the Stanford Research Institute said success in business today is attributed to 15 percent technical knowledge and 85 percent people skills.
"It doesn't matter what business you're in". "It's a people business".
The new measure of success for the business world is about how we behave and how we handle others.
Business Etiquette is based on hierarchy and power, experts say. For example, a person of lower status should hold a door for superiors, clients, peers following closely behind and anyone loaded down with packages. In business, the client holds the highest position in any organization. "The client is more important than anyone in your organization, even if the client holds a lesser title than the executive in your firm," A person of lesser importance is introduced to the person of greater importance. For example, "President Bush, I'd like you to meet John Smith."
Stand up when being introduced to someone and shake right hands by keeping thumbs up and wrapping fingers around the hands when palms touch. Shake with a firm grip but do not try to crush the other person's hand. "Your handshake is your signature," "It speaks loudly of yourself. It is an unspoken act of respect." Since business etiquette is gender neutral, unlike chivalry-based social etiquette, it does not matter which gender reaches out to shake hands first.
You hold the door open for a woman if you would hold it open for a man in the same situation. When in an elevator, whoever is closest to the doors exits first. Men do not jam up elevators by trying to let the woman out first, unless of course she happens to be your CEO or your client.
Client entertaining is the number one reason companies send employees to etiquette seminars. The main problem with clients is that they talk with a mouth full of food. The most common question is who should pay the bill. The answer: Whoever benefits from the business pays, unless there is no clear beneficiary; then whoever does the inviting pays. They are all little things. The type of business being conducted prescribes what meal to eat. Urgent business should be discussed at a 45-minute breakfast. A two-hour lunch is a good time to entertain clients or establish contacts. Dinners are ideal for enhancing existing relationships or for providing a special treat for clients.
Knowing proper etiquette will help people communicate better and minimize insulting actions or behaviors, whether in the United States or doing business overseas. Since business is done on a global level, international business etiquette has become important to know as well.
Customers are likely to permit the development of a positive customer relationship' and will do repeat business if they feel comfortable and valued by you and your organization.
A study by Harvard University, Carnegie Foundation and the Stanford Research Institute said success in business today is attributed to 15 percent technical knowledge and 85 percent people skills.
"It doesn't matter what business you're in". "It's a people business".
The new measure of success for the business world is about how we behave and how we handle others.
Business Etiquette is based on hierarchy and power, experts say. For example, a person of lower status should hold a door for superiors, clients, peers following closely behind and anyone loaded down with packages. In business, the client holds the highest position in any organization. "The client is more important than anyone in your organization, even if the client holds a lesser title than the executive in your firm," A person of lesser importance is introduced to the person of greater importance. For example, "President Bush, I'd like you to meet John Smith."
Stand up when being introduced to someone and shake right hands by keeping thumbs up and wrapping fingers around the hands when palms touch. Shake with a firm grip but do not try to crush the other person's hand. "Your handshake is your signature," "It speaks loudly of yourself. It is an unspoken act of respect." Since business etiquette is gender neutral, unlike chivalry-based social etiquette, it does not matter which gender reaches out to shake hands first.
You hold the door open for a woman if you would hold it open for a man in the same situation. When in an elevator, whoever is closest to the doors exits first. Men do not jam up elevators by trying to let the woman out first, unless of course she happens to be your CEO or your client.
Client entertaining is the number one reason companies send employees to etiquette seminars. The main problem with clients is that they talk with a mouth full of food. The most common question is who should pay the bill. The answer: Whoever benefits from the business pays, unless there is no clear beneficiary; then whoever does the inviting pays. They are all little things. The type of business being conducted prescribes what meal to eat. Urgent business should be discussed at a 45-minute breakfast. A two-hour lunch is a good time to entertain clients or establish contacts. Dinners are ideal for enhancing existing relationships or for providing a special treat for clients.
Knowing proper etiquette will help people communicate better and minimize insulting actions or behaviors, whether in the United States or doing business overseas. Since business is done on a global level, international business etiquette has become important to know as well.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Social Graces Help Grads Get Jobs
"What we're hearing from top management at corporations is that students are coming out of the top universities technically brilliant, but totally lacking in social skills". Brighton College Headmaster Richard Cairns decided it was time his pupils were taught a few lessons in good manners after learning that employers were dismayed by the numbers of undergraduates who were not equipped for the business world.
A study by the National Association of Colleges and Employers found business etiquette among the top three skills lacking among college graduates, along with communication skills and work ethic. The survey, called Job Outlook for the Class of 2005, was sent to 1,040 companies nationwide. According to human research managers, employers complain frequently about college graduates who lack etiquette skills. Graduates know how to deal with their computer, but they don’t know how to deal with people, talk on the phone or write a letter. Companies have also expressed frustration at having to spend money on etiquette training rather than on skills related directly to the business. Young people have aspirations and know they need to go to school, but they don’t understand what they need on the social side. The increasing role of the Internet and television has led to a generation of more socially awkward students. When families spend so much time on the computer and watching television, it cuts into the time spent talking, so communication skills suffer as well. Those social skills have proven to be equally as important as education and knowledge. After sitting through an hour-long lesson on business etiquette and networking skills, Kathryn Nguyen was all stressed out. There were so many things to remember: First impressions are set in the first seven seconds. Have a firm, but not tight, handshake. Take small bites when eating. Ask informed questions. Don't cross your arms. Smile. Look confident. As a biomedical science graduate student at UC San Diego, Nguyen said she had long been told her research, not her social graces, would get her a job. But that doesn’t work with increasing competition and a weakened economy. In a tight job market, etiquette can make the difference between otherwise similarly qualified candidates. Employers are now able to demand a complete package, the interest of their companies name and reputation can prove to be a liability if a candidate is perceived to be a social blemish.
A study by the National Association of Colleges and Employers found business etiquette among the top three skills lacking among college graduates, along with communication skills and work ethic. The survey, called Job Outlook for the Class of 2005, was sent to 1,040 companies nationwide. According to human research managers, employers complain frequently about college graduates who lack etiquette skills. Graduates know how to deal with their computer, but they don’t know how to deal with people, talk on the phone or write a letter. Companies have also expressed frustration at having to spend money on etiquette training rather than on skills related directly to the business. Young people have aspirations and know they need to go to school, but they don’t understand what they need on the social side. The increasing role of the Internet and television has led to a generation of more socially awkward students. When families spend so much time on the computer and watching television, it cuts into the time spent talking, so communication skills suffer as well. Those social skills have proven to be equally as important as education and knowledge. After sitting through an hour-long lesson on business etiquette and networking skills, Kathryn Nguyen was all stressed out. There were so many things to remember: First impressions are set in the first seven seconds. Have a firm, but not tight, handshake. Take small bites when eating. Ask informed questions. Don't cross your arms. Smile. Look confident. As a biomedical science graduate student at UC San Diego, Nguyen said she had long been told her research, not her social graces, would get her a job. But that doesn’t work with increasing competition and a weakened economy. In a tight job market, etiquette can make the difference between otherwise similarly qualified candidates. Employers are now able to demand a complete package, the interest of their companies name and reputation can prove to be a liability if a candidate is perceived to be a social blemish.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Liberty of Behavior
I am often asked about my ability to understand and work with those individuals that show a disregard for the rules of propriety. My response is usually swift and always carries the same sentiment; the essence of good manners resides in ones ability to freely pardon the shortcomings of others. A lack of manners goes hand in hand with the failure to accept a more benevolent position. On a daily basis I witness individuals that through sheer arrogance feel a sense of entitlement. Others believe that acts of civility are simply signs of weakness and could therefore not to be tolerated. And then there are those that have become so disconnected with the impressions of their actions that there is no awareness of society’s perception of them. An understanding of the importance in developing your overall stature begins with providing the necessary education. This information is not simply there too adorn your mind but will be used to direct your will and provide an inner confidence that will propel you to greater successes. Your familiarity with the rituals and customs of social settings will soon afford you an elevated and more prominent place amongst your peers. We all can recognize that one individual who seemingly walks into a room and becomes the center of attention and focus of admiration of all in attendance. He or she seamlessly care free in both action and thought conveying a presence of ownership over all that are in attendance. Well, this is not done by outwardly displayed acts of dominance but through the deft acceptance of their surroundings. Through judicious use of the social graces one is allowed to exercise what we call “The Liberty of Behavior”, an understanding of the rules of engagement that frees oneself to act in a spontaneous manner highlighting the best within. Wouldn’t you like to capture an audience with the mere presence of your arrival as well? If so, you are well under way in acknowledging the importance of etiquette in today’s society.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Serious about Service
The word “professional” refers to those engaged in a learned profession. It refers to the manner in which one conducts oneself in the pursuit of a profession. Professionalism refers to the pride that one takes in one’s work and it is as much a matter of attitude as anything else. As we have seen our country transition from industrial to service orientated positions we have also seen a transition of society’s work ethic. Manufacturing and its tangible gratifications both in quality products of substance and national pride have given way to a commerce of service and distribution for which very few of us understand or take ownership of. This is the work ethic that I speak of, a decline in the dedication to deliver and surpass our customers expectations. Customer satisfaction across the board as a percentage is at a dangerously low level. As a country now economically dependant on delivering services to provide for our social and economical needs we have yet to develop, discipline and enrich our knowledge in excelling at it. Branding an image and growing your stature beyond providing a service, beyond customer satisfaction takes a thorough commitment in attaining customer loyalty. And how does one achieve the continuous patronage and respect of the masses? This is where your training begins. To start, a thorough introspection of oneself and the company, secondly a deep understanding of benevolence and humility must rule your conscious and guide your actions. No matter what your position within an organization you must first and foremost comprehend the fact that we all serve someone and the accountability of your actions, its role in the success of the company are directly within your control. In an earlier blog “Social Wallflowers Blossom Too” we uncover the statistical growth of wealth and entrepreneurs in this country; we also discover a need to have an ownership mentality one that understands leadership and its responsibility. Far too many of us are ill prepared to truly take the reins, yes we may own the business and sign the checks but who is being held accountable for the culture of your organization? So many of today’s businesses are wrought with ignorance, apathy and contempt, we find ourselves literally driving our customers into the hands of the competition. Ask yourself? Does your companies actions compliment the resources disposed or are you spending good money attracting new clients and training new staff while failing to keep your existing ones?
Friday, January 18, 2008
Civilities Growth took Root with a Sign "Keep of the Grass"
The following excerpt was written by Richard Duffy for the Introduction of ETIQUETTE IN SOCIETY, IN BUSINESS, IN POLITICS AND AT HOME
BY EMILY POST
In the midst of the war, some French soldiers and some non-French of the Allied forces were receiving their rations in a village back of the lines. The non-French fighters belonged to an Army that supplied rations plentifully. They grabbed their allotments and stood about while hastily eating, uninterrupted by conversation or other concern. The French soldiers took their very meager portions of food, improvised a kind of table on the top of a flat rock, and having laid out the rations, including the small quantity of wine that formed part of the repast, sat down in comfort and began their meal amid a chatter of talk. One of the non-French soldiers, all of whom had finished their large supply of food before the French had begun eating, asked sardonically: "Why do you fellows make such a lot of fuss over the little bit of grub they give you to eat?" The Frenchman replied: "Well, we are making war for civilization, are we not? Very well, we are. Therefore, we eat in a civilized way."
To the French we owe the word etiquette, and it is amusing to discover its origin in the commonplace familiar warning—"Keep off the grass." It happened in the reign of Louis XIV, when the gardens of Versailles were being laid out, that the master gardener, an old Scotsman, was sorely tried because his newly seeded lawns were being continually trampled upon. To keep trespassers off, he put up warning signs or tickets—etiquettes—on which was indicated the path along which to pass. But the courtiers paid no attention to these directions and so the determined Scot complained to the King in such convincing manner that His Majesty issued an edict commanding everyone at Court to "keep within the etiquettes." Gradually the term came to cover all the rules for correct demeanor and deportment in court circles; and thus through the centuries it has grown into use to describe the conventions sanctioned for the purpose of smoothing personal contacts and developing tact and good manners in social intercourse.
BY EMILY POST
In the midst of the war, some French soldiers and some non-French of the Allied forces were receiving their rations in a village back of the lines. The non-French fighters belonged to an Army that supplied rations plentifully. They grabbed their allotments and stood about while hastily eating, uninterrupted by conversation or other concern. The French soldiers took their very meager portions of food, improvised a kind of table on the top of a flat rock, and having laid out the rations, including the small quantity of wine that formed part of the repast, sat down in comfort and began their meal amid a chatter of talk. One of the non-French soldiers, all of whom had finished their large supply of food before the French had begun eating, asked sardonically: "Why do you fellows make such a lot of fuss over the little bit of grub they give you to eat?" The Frenchman replied: "Well, we are making war for civilization, are we not? Very well, we are. Therefore, we eat in a civilized way."
To the French we owe the word etiquette, and it is amusing to discover its origin in the commonplace familiar warning—"Keep off the grass." It happened in the reign of Louis XIV, when the gardens of Versailles were being laid out, that the master gardener, an old Scotsman, was sorely tried because his newly seeded lawns were being continually trampled upon. To keep trespassers off, he put up warning signs or tickets—etiquettes—on which was indicated the path along which to pass. But the courtiers paid no attention to these directions and so the determined Scot complained to the King in such convincing manner that His Majesty issued an edict commanding everyone at Court to "keep within the etiquettes." Gradually the term came to cover all the rules for correct demeanor and deportment in court circles; and thus through the centuries it has grown into use to describe the conventions sanctioned for the purpose of smoothing personal contacts and developing tact and good manners in social intercourse.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Social Wallflowers Blossom Too.
80% of today’s millionaires are first generation wealth.
About 120,000 millionaires are between 26 and 34 years old.
People 34 and younger account for 40% of all business start-ups
35% of high net worth households are over 65; 30% are between 55 and 64, and another 32% are between 37 and 55.
41% of the wealthiest 1% of individuals own or have an interest in a private company.
92% of women executives support charities, and there are 6.2 million woman owned businesses.
92% of small business owners/managers were asked to give donations last year, and 91% did.
We all aspire to grow and benefit from our education and hard work. Many of you according to today’s statistics are able to taste the fruits of those labors for the first time in your families’ genealogy.
Nevertheless when it comes to our personal development why do we have such disconnect within us about our new wealth and its social expectations? Truth is told, wealth once achieved, has proven to be an easy acquisition for today’s creative intellectuals but it is the social graces; manners, etiquette, courtesy and civility that leaves us at a disadvantage in integrating into our new tax bracket. Those lessons that our parents tried to instill upon us as children come forefront to the mind and in today’s world as in times past only the most socially astute continue to elevate their status and enjoy their riches wholeheartedly. Navigating the rituals of Social and Business opportunities is an exercise in familiarity; of course one must know the rules of engagement, those things we call propriety, protocol and diplomacy are only pre-established acts of discourse used to alleviate unfamiliarity amongst individuals and settings.
An old Victorian definition of etiquette states that “Etiquette is the shield that society protects itself from the intrusions of the improper, impertinent and the vulgar”. This invisible barrier remains to this day constantly evolving and changing at the will of those in the know. So unless a concerted effort is put in to the development of your status all the financial success and intellect acquired will still remain limited. A legacy- your legacy, exist not erected with bricks and mortar but by the influence and development of those that come in contact with you. You can not build your legacy and the legacy of your family with out those social interactions. This is the prestige understood and passed down by the elite; this is why their names remain the subject of our adoration. Their philanthropic endeavors, commissions of art and humanity are the sources of these nations’ greatest riches. How will you measure up if you exclude yourself from the opportunity? How fulfilled will your life be by standing on the sidelines for fear of committing to the dance?
About 120,000 millionaires are between 26 and 34 years old.
People 34 and younger account for 40% of all business start-ups
35% of high net worth households are over 65; 30% are between 55 and 64, and another 32% are between 37 and 55.
41% of the wealthiest 1% of individuals own or have an interest in a private company.
92% of women executives support charities, and there are 6.2 million woman owned businesses.
92% of small business owners/managers were asked to give donations last year, and 91% did.
We all aspire to grow and benefit from our education and hard work. Many of you according to today’s statistics are able to taste the fruits of those labors for the first time in your families’ genealogy.
Nevertheless when it comes to our personal development why do we have such disconnect within us about our new wealth and its social expectations? Truth is told, wealth once achieved, has proven to be an easy acquisition for today’s creative intellectuals but it is the social graces; manners, etiquette, courtesy and civility that leaves us at a disadvantage in integrating into our new tax bracket. Those lessons that our parents tried to instill upon us as children come forefront to the mind and in today’s world as in times past only the most socially astute continue to elevate their status and enjoy their riches wholeheartedly. Navigating the rituals of Social and Business opportunities is an exercise in familiarity; of course one must know the rules of engagement, those things we call propriety, protocol and diplomacy are only pre-established acts of discourse used to alleviate unfamiliarity amongst individuals and settings.
An old Victorian definition of etiquette states that “Etiquette is the shield that society protects itself from the intrusions of the improper, impertinent and the vulgar”. This invisible barrier remains to this day constantly evolving and changing at the will of those in the know. So unless a concerted effort is put in to the development of your status all the financial success and intellect acquired will still remain limited. A legacy- your legacy, exist not erected with bricks and mortar but by the influence and development of those that come in contact with you. You can not build your legacy and the legacy of your family with out those social interactions. This is the prestige understood and passed down by the elite; this is why their names remain the subject of our adoration. Their philanthropic endeavors, commissions of art and humanity are the sources of these nations’ greatest riches. How will you measure up if you exclude yourself from the opportunity? How fulfilled will your life be by standing on the sidelines for fear of committing to the dance?
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Corporate Meritocracy
Character, accountability, integrity, consistency and temperance are the necessary components in the successful leadership of others. Having an innate ability to deliver training objectives and implement human resource management practices which are fair and principled towards staff and demonstrably aligned with the achievement of my goals has provided for the bulk of my successes, these programs are based on the strategic planning process and the provision of regular opportunities for constructive communication between employees and clients. These efforts support a strategically aligned workforce plan, providing performance expectations, feedback regarding recognition of performance outcomes, and the provision of targeted training and development to address immediate performance needs, and promote their professional growth and development. It has been proven to me that the best quality staffs and clients are attracted, developed and retained. A productive growth environment that strives for, and rewards, high performance, maximizes flexibility, and encourages professionalism. Through Interpersonal affective ness, communication and ones ability to provide direction, leadership and its virtues are bestowed upon oneself, inherently born within and honed through life’s experiences.
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